Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

So this was a truly interesting weekend. As you can see from my last post, I was pretty down, mostly because of the whole "friend" situation. But this weekend I feel like I turned a corner. Things have been kinda stressful lately - lots of "grown up" things to think about, big decisions being discussed. Saturday started out pretty bad... we were supposed to go over to some friends' house for a BBQ, but I just couldn't deal with it. I know it's probably horrible for me to say, but it was because of their 2 kids. They're good kids, but the last time we went over to their house for a BBQ about a month ago, I kinda felt like I got stuck entertaining the munchkins. Don't get me wrong, I like them... but they aren't my kids. I'm a guest, & I kinda felt like the parents didn't really try to reign them in. So given my state of mind, the things in it, & the fact that I was just completely wiped out, I just so wasn't up for another round of that. I ended up calling in the afternoon & telling them that I wasn't feeling good & that we'd have to take a raincheck. (Now this wasn't totally a lie, because I really didn't feel all that great.) We were just kinda hanging & then ended up going out with Jer & Heather. I probably wasn't the best company... in fact I know I wasn't. But I did have some fun.

By Sunday I just wanted to veg out & watch my Indy 500 & relax, & try to get out of my head for a while. Of course, this wasn't going to happen. D's parents decided they wanted to do something, so he invited them over. Now, they were supposed to come over a little after 3, which should have been plenty of time for me to watch the race, but there was a long rain delay, so it didn't end up getting finished until 5:30. The 'rents didn't end up getting to our house until 4, & D's mom was just being a gigantic pain in the arse. I'm probably over reacting, but it felt like it at the time, which completely put me in a cranky mood. I mean really, when you tell someone that they don't need to bring over anything, you'd think they wouldn't, right? Oh no. She had to bring over this potato casserole thingie, which we didn't even want. *sigh* But we ate, they hung out for a while, & by the time they left I was just ready to punch someone or something. I'd just been stewing & just needed to get out of the house for a while. I needed some "estrogen therapy", so I sent Jer a text to have Heather give me a call. We ended up meeting up @ the Bone for drinks. This was kind of a big thing for me, because since my "incident" with the former friend, I haven't really felt like I had a female friend that I could go to with stuff. It was kinda hard at first, I guess 'cause I was still kinda gun-shy about opening up to someone again. (For the record, I'm still not that comfortable with it, but we'll get to that in a minute.) But we started talking, or I started venting really, & I started to feel a little better. I don't think I really solved anything, but it just felt good to say it & get it out of my head. This is where things started to turn around. We were having a good conversation, & then some more friends showed up. Lauree joined us for a bit, & we started having some good quality girl-time. It felt so nice, just having that bonding. It'd been a while since I'd had that. Suddenly it turned from me going up to the Bone to drown my sorrows to a good time. Then it turned into a good old-fashioned party, as several people came back to our house for booze & fun. LOL we ended up greeting the sun this morning around 6am. I don't even know the last time I did that.

I guess the moral of my long & winding story here is that I was wrong to want to close myself off from my friends, to not want that "best friend" again. I realized that I do have a lot of friends, & I love them all.

Trapped in my Head

So do you ever wake up on a lazy Saturday or Sunday morning & kinda just lay in bed & start thinking random things? That was me this morning. Woke up still stiff & sore from yesterday's paint marathon, but refreshed after having about 10 hours sleep - & I started thinking. Just random thoughts - finishing up the bedroom, chores I needed to do today, etc - & then it snuck up & bit me: I started thinking about her. By "her" I mean my former best friend - we'll just call her "Mary". Now, I won't go into the whole story in this post (vented my spleen about that on myspace), but suffice it to say that she stopped talking to me about the end of October. The worst part is, I know in my heart & my head that I did absolutely nothing to provoke her to end our friendship. But it still hurts, & makes me angry.

After the initial shock & anger & crying jags about it (before the holidays), I didn't really think about it a whole lot. She'd made her decision (for whatever reason), & I was fine with that. This wasn't the first incident of her pulling something like this - so I took it as a sign that she really wasn't that invested in our friendship. But lately it's been coming back on me at random moments, & it's just festering in my brain - kinda like when you get a splinter & you don't get it out right away. I think part of the problem is that I've got some stuff going on, stuff you'd normally sit with your best friend & discuss & disect over coffee or maybe a pint of Ben & Jerry's, but I don't have that option. I mean, I've got friends - a lot of acquaintences, & a couple of people who I'd classify as "friends" - but I don't really have that one person any more that I know I can go to with anything & they'll listen, & not be judgemental & just let me vent until I'm done. That's what I think hurts more than anything about this whole situation.

So the casual observer might ask "Well what about the Hubby? Isn't he supposed to be your best friend?" And that person would be right - he is my best friend, but it's different. I'm talking about your girlfriend, the one who you can go shoe shopping with, or tell "girlie" stuff to, or talk about the Hubby when he's being an idiot. That's what I don't have. It'd be one thing if I had done something so horrible or we'd gotten into a huge fight, where it was a mutual decision. But it was taken away from me - & that's where the anger comes in. Part of it is that, again, I know I did nothing wrong. The other is that I'm mad at myself - obviously I was more invested in the friendship than "Mary". So I'm to blame for not having any other "best friends".

*sigh* So here I am, trapped in my head on a bright, sunny Sunday, & yet all I feel like is that kid in the Charlie Brown cartoons - the one with the dark cloud over their head.

Good Grief.

Bring out your dead! The Dark Man's Comin'!

So here it is, Friday (yippee!!), & it being February in the great state of Minnesota, we have a Winter Storm Warning beginning in, oh, 5 minutes as I write this (6pm CST). Supposedly, depending on which source you listen to, we could get anywhere from 10-18" of snow, with "significant" blowing & drifting possible. Now, seeing as we have only had 12.1" total for the winter thus far, people are freaking out. Apparently there were lines at Super Targets & other grocery stores. People were stopping for gas. Dogs & cats, living together... it's anarchy!

People, it's a snowstorm. I'm not a bred Minnesotan (Indiana gets to lay claim to that), but for cryin' in the night, have you people LOST YOUR FREAKING MINDS!?!? I'm told by Hubby that a storm with 10-18" of snow wouldn't have gotten people to blink an eye, let alone rush to the store for "staples". Wow... another effect of global warming. People go nuts. Fear not, dear readers... I have faith that these people will come to their senses, prepare responsibly & even (dare I say it?) ENJOY this return to winter? I, myself, will have my happy little fanny parked in front of the couch, watching some movies (The Departed & Little Miss Sunshine among them), & watching the snow fall outside.

Welcome back, Ol' Man Winter... we've missed you.

Can I get a do-over?

Do you ever have a day, which starts off relatively low-key & uneventful, only to have it turn into a complete cluster fuck? Yeah, that's the kinda day I had today.

Got to work early-ish, feelin' pretty decent. Finally got a respectable amount of sleep, only woke up once but was able to knock right back out. So it was starting out pretty good. Well, of course, it all went downhill from there. And the catalyst? Slinky, of course. Now, Slinky is the "loving" term (ha ha) I use for my completely obnoxious British co-worker. This guy is a total, king-sized Pain in the Ass. We work in a cube farm, & we sit next to each other. Our cubes happen to face out onto the main aisle of our side of the building. Slinky absolutely cannot let ANYONE pass by his cube without a proper "Hallo!" to them. I swear, he stops what he's in the middle of & turns around to say Hi to whoever is unfortunate enough to be passing by him. And he'll do it if you're talking to him also. He can be in the middle of a sentence of a conversation about (*GASP*) an actual work subject & if he sees someone pass by, it's "blah blah contracts blah blah OH HALLO (insert name of poor schmuck here)!" It is, by far, one of THE most annoying things I've ever witnessed. But I digress. Slinky was in rare form today. I hadn't even taken off my coat & he's yapping. Not just to me, but to his other "cube neighbor", & the poor new girl on the other side of his wall. He was (trying) to carry on 3 conversations at once! It was actually kinda bizarre. It was like someone wound him up like a top. And then he pops off with "Oh, I only took my meds a while ago, they should kick in here in about a 1/2 hour." WHAAAA??? Jeezus H... how about you keep your issues to yourself, huh?

*sigh* So like I said, things just kept going downhill. I couldn't seem to focus all day, mostly because I don't really have a whole lot to do right now. It's the "slow week" in my monthly schedule, which I guess is good considering I've cleaned up a lot of crap in my job from when I started. But sometimes it leaves me with too much time to think & not enough to do. So I got to obsessing over things going badly, & how much Slinky annoys me, & the fact that sometimes life just don't work out like the way you planned. I dunno, maybe it's because my birthday's coming up in a month, or maybe it's the fabulous PMS kicking in, but today reeeeeeeaaaaallly sucked.

But right now, as I look at the clock, it's almost over. Thank god.

Hi, I'm Nik, & I'm a TV Addict...

Well folks, it's Monday, day 1 of a new work week &, more importantly, one of the 2 best nights on TV. I am, of course, talking about my absolutely favorite show, 24, & my favorite new show, Heroes. Unfortunately, the TV Gods have pitted these 2 quality programs opposite each other. The good news for me is that I have a media center PC, a fancy-pants TiVo, so I can record both of them & watch them commercial free. Yay for me!

Tonight we had two great episodes. Some minor reveals, but good stuff. 24 has now made me go "OH MY GOD!" twice this season now. And I have a feeling it's not over yet. Heroes was good too.... the end (which I won't give away for those of you a- that watch it too & b- haven't seen it yet) was GREAT as far as I'm concerned. I was quite pleased. =)

Is it wrong that I obsess over TV like this? Probably. I should be worried about real stuff like global warming, the "war" in Iraq, or the fact that kids are cooking puppies alive in Georgia. Don't get me wrong - I do worry about these things, & much more. But on Monday nights (& Thursdays, the other "Great Night of TV" this season), I get to ignore all that for a little while & get to hang out with Jack Bauer & save the world in a day, or save the cheerleader, & save the world. Either way, I win.

What the?!?!

So apparently I have been "tagged"... why? I'm not sure. I'm a good person, or at least I try to be, & WHAMMO. So thus now I have to post 5 Odd Things About Myself. Ok, Jer, you asked for it...

1) I cannot swim. I also cannot ride a 2 wheeled bike, roller skate, or ice skate. Yes, I'm a freak. I didn't get out much as a child, mostly because of a completely insane, overprotective mother. Someday I might try to accomplish the last 3, but the first one tho (swimming) probably won't happen any time soon. I have this thing about getting my head under water - I hate it. So that rules swimming out.

2) I have a partially photographic memory. Like I can remember details from books, pictures, places, but it's kinda like the details aren't in focus. For example, I can remember where information is on a page in a book, I can see the layout of the page, the position of pictures, but the text is most often blurry. So this is only a partially useful talent. =)

3) I believe I have mild OCD. I'm a checker. I literally cannot leave the house without making sure that all the doors are locked, nothing is left on, etc. Several times. I think it has something to do with my short term memory. Or that I'm insane, one or the other. It also could be the same insane mother mentioned in #1 - she does it too.

4) I can flex the top knuckles of my fingers independently of the other knuckles. It creeps people out when I do it. That's fun. =) But if I have them bent for too long they tend to lock up & then they're sore. But it's still fun to watch people freak.

5) I LOVE sports. Probably more so than Hubby. Almost all kinds too. Soccer & pro basketball are exceptions. They kinda suck, especially soccer. Watching soccer is like watching paint dry for me. I know a lot of people like it, good for them. But I won't watch it. Football (the "American" kind) & baseball are my two favorites. I even play Fantasy Football. Did pretty well this year too, made it to the first round of the playoffs with crap for running backs, but got bounced in the first round. Maybe next year.

So there you are - 5 Oddities about Nik. Unfortunately I have no one to "tag" now, however. So if you happen to read this & feel the urge to purge about yourself, consider yourself tagged.

And now for the news...

So I haven't posted in a while, not because I don't have anything to say really, but just have kinda forgotten to sit down & write something. The Holidays came & went in their usual flurry of fun, parties, & travel. Managed to make it through this year without getting sick (YAY), & even managed to make it down to Iowa to the hubby's Grandma's house. This is good, because I a) haven't been able to get down there for a couple years because I've been sick @ the time, & b) I feel really bad if the hubby misses it too. Grandma D is in her late 80's, but other than poor eyesight & the occasional complaint, she's in pretty good health for her age. But you never know what can happen, so I'm glad we got down there to see her. I even managed to get the coveted Roll & Frosting recipes from her this year! =)

New Year's was kind of mellow - hung out with friends at their house. Very nice. I'm not into big parties or bar hopping @ New Years. A) I HATE dressing up... too much stress, & B) just seems like a recipe for disaster. Too many stupid people out & about for my taste. Altho I would like to do New Years in Times Square, just once to say I did.

January & February have been pretty uneventful, except for those 2 weeks around the beginning of February when I finally got that bad cold I normally get around the Holidays. (Thanks Hubby!) Altho for once I think the flu shot I got actually did some good, as I got through the worst of things about 1/2 as fast as the Hubby did. He had it 2 weeks, I only had it about 6 days. We both still have a nagging cough, but it sounds like that might hang around a while (yippee).

So that brings you up to date on everything that's been going on. Nothing terribly exciting, hence the lack of postings. I'll try to get better about it tho. I'm sure you're waiting with bated breath.